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I think that about covers it.""Hello I am funs human from Romania. I LIVE IN MOMENT."_—Drew Magary _No pressure, but that first message is as do-or-die as it gets in online dating. "We've found that subtle self-deprecation works great," says Langston, "and that a joke works out terribly." Mention a common interest from her profile—we both like skiing! Compliment her ironic Kanye shades, sure— just not any part of her actual body._—Julianne Smolinski _You want to suck the air out of a potential first date?

I move here four years ago and make many good friend but not find special lover. We asked Grant Langston, senior director at e Harmony, for a few guidelines to keep her from clicking delete. Blow through all your conversation topics beforehand with an hours-long emoticon-filled chat session.

Besides, no lady has ever been swept off her feet by a pop-up box that says "Yo."Let's be honest: Online dating is a numbers game, and the majority of people you come across aren't going to work out for one reason or another.

Here's your getaway plan for every step along the way.

That way, you can order a second round (she's cool) or feign exhaustion after your first Negroni (she asks if you really believe in that whole Holocaust thing).

Escaping..unwanted second date: You were bored, but she's eager for round two. _For years, friends told me that online dating is the best thing to happen to casual sex since the Pill and the best matchmaker since Mama.

It's a little weird at first, trusting a computer algorithm to pair you off.

But three weeks (and six dates) from now, you'll realize that online dating is, for better and worse, just like regular dating—and not, sadly, like ordering a pizza online. It's boring, but dating-site handles aren't eligible for the Pulitzer.

It was a Whole Foods of my own sexual imagination—and I was shopping on an empty stomach.Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.Wouldn't this same sentiment—"I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me"—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? Davidson: "People need to see your face, but shooting up close with a wide-angle lens makes your nose look bigger.Escaping..first message: It seems dickish, but if you know you won't jibe with someone who messages you, just click delete.The alternatives— brutal honesty or the soft letdown—only sting more and waste your time.Don't call yourself any of the following: witty, ambitious, down-to-earth, or humble.

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