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Maybe you start to mold yourself into the woman who you think he wants you to be, just so you can hold on to him. When you don’t go into the early stages of dating with an immediate attachment to outcome (“This just has to work out or I’ll die, and there will never be another guy out there for me!”), you’ll feel a lot more relaxed and more able to just be yourself. You might fantasize about how great life would be if the heavens parted and dropped Mr.He is quickly reprimanded by a perky traffic guard: “You’re doing it wrong.”I don’t know much about being a mom, but I do have a lot of experience helping single women navigate the dating world.As a dating coach who works with smart, savvy, professional women of all career backgrounds to create the type of love they desire in their lives (not to mention, someone who spent many years struggling to find my own way in the dating world), I have seen and heard it all when it comes to dating.There was something there that led me to believe she had the potential to be a long-term suitor.But in the short term, I was fresh out of undergrad and two consecutive relationships, and I knew I was just trying to celebrate my freedom just like a newly released prisoner would.The more I talk to Alex, the more I realize she is the type who should have been the star player, not sitting on the bench. And by miles, I mean she's in Florida and I'm in Washington, DC. It was then when I realized how awful of a coach I might be. I “benched” this superstar for an injury-prone, inconsistent PLAYER who ultimately proved to be detrimental to the team.

Suddenly, you start to feel like you’ll die if it doesn’t work out, as if he’s the last guy with whom you’ll ever have chemistry.

So, I put her on the “bench."I never even heard of the term “benching” at the time.

In fact, I just found out what it meant when I read this Elite Daily article. I kept Alex around, yet at a distance because I knew I wasn't ready to be everything she deserved.

But, I do know she went from benched to ghosted all in the name of a girl who turned out to be horrible for me. We all make mistakes, but fast-forward a few years later.

Alex and I are back on speaking terms, and Christina is clear out the picture after making a few brief reappearances. We recently met up during a quick vacation I took to Miami.


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