I am not suggesting you feel sorry for them (unless it helps you get through the moment).But I am suggesting you recognize their pain and how much their inner child must be suffering under the thumb of that invalidation.
We find tremendous courage and begin to get in touch with our inner child and our inner defender. This is one of those moments where the universe has lovingly set us up. It takes every ounce of self restraint to keep from gouging the other person’s eyes out. So when you begin telling them how you are facing your own pain, their inner defender is immediately alarmed at such a prospect.
And I am going to explain how you can do that in the least painful way.
It is specifically arranged by the universe to wake us up.
My reflex was to try to make him feel better by minimizing.
I’ve also been the one to feel like I had to have my feelings validated on my schedule, probably to his annoyance.