He may be asking himself if his relationship with you is worth his incurring the wrath of his ex.
(This feels harsh, but most cost-benefit analyses are.) How long should you wait to meet the kids?
They feel that they have upset their children’s lives enough with the breakup, and so they try to avoid any further disruption.
Some have such limited time with their kids, they want every moment of it to be happy, kid-focused, and uncomplicated.
Even if he was the one to initiate the break-up with his ex, he may still be mourning the loss of that relationship and may feel grief and sadness over how the break up has affected his children.
His ex’s post-break-up behavior and attitude toward him may exacerbate this grief. Despite all of the above concerns, he may still be looking to date, for fun, for companionship.
” There are no one-size-fits-all answer to that questions, but below are some insights as to what a dad–or any parent, really–might be contemplating when he decides to hold off on this big step, even if you’re ready to meet his kids and have him meet yours: He’s just not that into you…yet: Perhaps the two of you haven’t known each other long enough, in his estimation, or he doesn’t know you well enough for you to meet his kids. Do his children have any special needs or concerns that must be taken into consideration? As you get to know each other better, more answers to these questions will be revealed, allowing him to be more open to your meeting his kids.
When I was dating, my kids were aware that I went on dates, but they didn’t meet everyone I dated. He’s just not that into you: It’s an uncomfortable truth, but it happens.
It’s one thing to be sensitive and respectful when one’s fellow co-parent isn’t thrilled about Someone New entering the picture; it’s quite another to let a jealous, distraught, or angry ex dictate the progress of your relationship.
That this is a common concern isn’t surprising because for those who are dating with kids in the mix, introducing the kids to a new partner is a big step in a relationship, more significant than “meeting the parents.” Certainly, more is at stake and more has to be considered before introductions involving children take place.
The women who write to us about this situation inevitably, and understandably, want to know, “How long should I wait? Are you willing to accept his kids’ well-being as his priority?
Your guy hates confrontation, has a high-conflict co-parenting situation, and is putting off introductions as long as possible.
Or, he does a cost-benefit analysis and reasons that when he does get around to pulling the meet-my-kids trigger (and rattling his ex’s cage), it had better be for someone about whom he’s super-serious.