When you leave a relationship that isn’t working for you, it’s because you recognise that your agendas cannot be a joint one.If you want to establish a relationship on a good footing or quickly determine if you have a ‘driver’ on your hands, do not accept the default role of passenger and take an active role in shaping your relationship with partners.Or maybe they’ll steer the relationship so crazily that you panic and agree to let them be in control. Passengers basically take a backseat in the relationship.They tend to get swept up in other people’s agendas because they’re not as street smart (read: relationship smart) as they should be.Passengers and drivers have unhealthy relationship habits and are invariably emotionally unavailable so until they address their issues, being a co-pilot in a mutually fulfilling healthy relationship is unlikely because they are not prepared to be honest and vulnerable enough to risk a joint agenda.They forget that in a healthy relationship, each party is sharing the risk of being vulnerable to healthily emotionally engage and be authentic in the best interests of their own sense of self and the relationship.
In some instances, it can seem like it’s passenger:passenger – ie you’re both really messed up together but you will find that under those layers, someone is actually the driver.They think if they love enough, get the driver to change, cry, beg, plead, wait, give them their money, that the driver will become a co-pilot and they’ll have a joint agenda.Passengers with very low self-esteem look to others to create their agenda for them and give them validation. Passengers tend to have hidden agendas even though they won’t always admit it.Healthy relationships have co-pilots steering them along with open discussion about the joint agenda as well as all of the landmarks – no hidden agendas.You will steer and plot your journey together and even if at times, one has to man the steering, they continue with the joint agenda. Unhealthy relationships/casual relationships have a driver and a passenger.The driver steers the relationship on their terms, agenda, and ‘route’.